if we long to write something profound or inspiring, we must first get out the pen and paper and write. if we long to say something impactful, we must humble ourselves and speak. if we want to hear some sort of guidance directly from God, we must quiet ourselves and listen. the common person hopes and even expects amazing things to happen without ever taking the actions that would make it possible for these hopes to materialize. when nothing happens, they lose heart and stop expecting.
i'm on spring break. i don't really know what my plans are yet.
my short-term plans are this: sleep. i'm a tid bit tired right now, and some rest sounds nothing short of delicious- almost decadent. there's a conference next week, but i just went to one last week (which was extremely life-changing, to say the least), so some heavy chill time would be nice to the body. mario kart would be nice too. and so would jacuzzi time. and so would a fatty massage. and a haircut. ahhh.. one day at a time.
i more or less hate communicating to you all thru this, i'd rather talk to you in person. things are good though. i'm trying to learn how to effectively evangelize without being a christian about it (being a christian, but not being an "hey- i'm a christian" christian). relationships, encouragement (whether revelatory or just genuine), unordinary acts of love, the use of the power and gifts of the Holy Spirit, and not having a goal of getting people saved immediately (unless they're ready, which is a rarity)... none of these things are far from necessary. prayer is a given... most people already do that right. i'm starting to put it into practice, and it's scary and uncomfortable. oh well, i've got 1 chance at this thing. being a self-serving, gluttonous, and comfortable christian is hardly being a christian at all. at least not the type of christian that Christ talked about.
i guess i'll do these painting things in order.
all my watercolor projects have been done from old pictures since my camera has smoke damage and can't take that great of pictures anymore (waiting for insurance to reimburse me so that i can get a new camera)
this was my first project... self-portrait. i thought i already put this on xanga, but i guess i didn't. we were only allowed to use flat-washes (no gradients). we also weren't allowed to layer. i lied. this is not an old picture. the others are.
project 2: gradient washes... only gradient washes(a gradient is the gradual transition from one color to another) no layering. this is a picture i had of delbarr and yasmin from santa cruz last summer.
project 3: water spots... we could use gradients or flat washes, but then we had to drop water on it before it was dry to make water spots. this is a picture i took of darrius right before i shaved his head. his head is a little laterally compressed, but it's alright i guess.
project 4: layering, water spots, the use of a shammy(i'm not going to explain it), cutting the paper(if you see the hat in real life, it looks like real hair because of having cut it), salt(it does kind of the opposite thing that water spots do), and another technique that i don't know the technical name of... all those were required. this is matt le. he's rocking a wig, beard, and hat of mine. a genuine eskimo.
you may have noticed that all my people have been blue so far. i did it on my first painting because i was only allowed to use 3 colors, and i thought it looked cool, so i guess i got in a groove. i'm doing a painting of bekah garibay now, and she will not be blue. on all future paintings i will now have the liberty of using whatever techniques i choose, so that's nice and unconstrained.
the lion...
this is something i'm working on in a design class. i don't really know what will ultimately be done with it, but this is it in its current state.
i'm going to try to sound as unchurchy and real here as possible.
the time that is ahead of me in the very near future i am confident will far excel anything i'm experienced thus far. i'm not sure what all it entails, but the confidence the Holy Spirit has placed in me is feeling pretty good right now.
right now, with my human eyes, things look pretty grim-- like everything is failing, yet somehow enough of my flesh has died that instead of following the feeling that typically accompanies these circumstances, i see everything with infinite potential. things are about to break loose. they kind of already are and have been, but what's around the corner with make everything that's happened so far look like a trickle compared to the rush of the current on the way.
i don't want the faith i've had in the past. it's was sufficient for then, but not any more. you know how we're supposed to go from glory to glory in Christ Jesus? yeah, this is one of those times.
i'm going to reiterate this once more: God's heart is not for a self-sufficient, self-satisfying church. He wants some folks living sacrificial lives of servanthood. the way we've done things in the past won't work any more.
i believe that where we're supposed to go is at least partially summed up in isaiah 61. especially the first couple verses:
1THE SPIRIT of the Lord God
is upon me, because the Lord has anointed and qualified me to preach
the Gospel of good tidings to the meek, the poor, and afflicted; He has
sent me to bind up and heal the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to
the [physical and spiritual] captives and the opening of the prison and
of the eyes to those who are bound,
2To proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord [the year of His favor] and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn,
3To
grant [consolation and joy] to those who mourn in Zion--to give them an
ornament (a garland or diadem) of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of
joy instead of mourning, the garment [expressive] of praise instead of
a heavy, burdened, and failing spirit--that they may be called oaks of
righteousness [lofty, strong, and magnificent, distinguished for
uprightness, justice, and right standing with God], the planting of the
Lord, that He may be glorified.
basically, it ain't about us. and we better be taking action instead of just sitting there like a content ignoramus.
please don't say "amen" or "this is really good stuff, scott." i just want you to come with me on this thing, this new place that is so much more appropriate and necessary than where we are now. light someone else up too. you try to do it on your own and you'll fail. you'll end up comfortable and mostly unmoved. this camaraderie i'm finding more and more is what we NEED. it's not just something that would be nice.
ok, time to go paint some more. this semester i've been painting TM kiddies so far (me- i had to do a self-portrait, delbarr, darrius, now i'm working on a painting of matt le, next is bekah garibizzy... after that one i think i'm doing paintings of people around here tho).
i don't know what else to say. if you feel numb and like this is a completely different sphere than where you're at, you should get that fixed. come to God and tell him you feel numb. tell him you don't want to be numb and you want to hear what he wants you to do and that you're up for whatever it is that He's got to say. that works for me anyways.
there was crazier stuff that went down after viewing Stomp the Yard, and better quality dancing for that matter, but this is what was captured by video, so i thought i'd hook you up. there really was some wild dancing though, i wish there were videos of it.
i looked back over the last year on here, seeing all the things that have happened (being reminded by xanga). people who were brought back to God or brought to him for the first time, then filled with the Spirit, and discipled, and now are discipling others (i'm out to take the bible/ create discples/ who make disciples/ disciple cycles). i saw all the encouragement and affirmation you all have given me. i don't deserve it, i'm just a vessel.
i remember all the ridiculous favor i've had in my art classes that continues on. i hope God continues to use me and increase it and bring his light thru all of it. it's pretty cool to be a part of.
i remember getting to chill in san jose with my boy. irreplaceable times. much love to you.
the times down in texas' gv were great, but i hate those ants. instead of me going down there, everyone should come up here.
getting to chill with the fish in IL's gv and stl has been good too, especially putting an uprooted tree in front of their union.
so much has happened, and i'm humbled to be a part of this thing. i need to dig deeper in the word. revelation usually doesn't just fall on you.
here's my major concern: i've seen MANY people i know (close to me, or not close to me) losing sight of their purpose for being here in the small frame of time called life. they know they're christians, they read the word of God enough to say that they read the word of God, but they aren't putting their heart into it. i'm guilty of it myself. God is a god of grace, but come on. are you just going to drift along and only please yourself? THAT'S NOT WHAT WE'RE HERE FOR yeah yeah, we're a body and everything, so we should enjoy fellowship... bla bla blaba too many people are putting relationships, time, school, etc BEFORE God. He's supposed to be what we seek first. if we did that, maybe we'd connect with his heart. his heart is for his people, for the lost. you better be discipling others, bringing them closer to God's heart and bringing others into the body, or you might as well die and be in heaven. seriously, why should you be here otherwise? that may be an extremist standpoint, but i don't think it's far from the truth.
